Some young children are shy and some are simply not interested in being social until they are older. But when a parent finds herself saying, “My child has no friends,” it may be time to find out why. Most children who are shy will eventually make at least one or two good friends, although the formation of these friendships may be delayed beyond the typical age of an outgoing child.
However, there are many disorders that severely affect a child’s ability to make friends. When a kid is on the mild end of the autism spectrum, her social skills may be impacted. If a child has ADD or ADHD, other children may find his behavior off-putting, affecting his ability to make friends. Also, if a child has the desire for friendships but displays anxious symptoms, she may have social anxiety disorder.
My Child Has No Friends – Asperger Syndrome and Social Skills
In particular, the autism spectrum disorder Asperger syndrome is a social disorder. It interferes with social skills. A child with Asperger syndrome may find it hard to recognize facial expressions and feelings, understand the nuances of verbal language (such as sarcasm), and will have a hard time initiating play and conversation. Sensory integration issues also interfere with their social behavior.
A child with Asperger syndrome will benefit greatly from social skills training, as well as an OT program called, “How does your engine run?” In this program run by professional occupational therapists, children with sensory processing disorder learn how to cope with their ultra touchy senses of touch, taste, smell and hearing. Because of these sensitivities, kids with SPD can have difficulty integrating into their surroundings.
ADHD, Gifted Kids and Friendships
Parents of children diagnosed with ADHD may find that their fidgeting nature and behavior issues such as impulsivity might limit their chances of making lasting friendships. It is important to help the child with ADD/ADHD learn to manage behavior. Parents may not be able to do this alone. There are many professional experts in the field of ADHD, and many teachers and school psychologists have training with this learning disability and will prove helpful.
Likewise, gifted kids often can't make friends with peers. Children with special gifts can be the target of bullies and jealousy. If parents find that their gifted child is having trouble socially, they may want to discuss this with the classroom teacher to see if he can be paired with other children like him, or moved to a higher-level class.
Social Anxiety and Making Friends
Unlike Asperger syndrome, social anxiety is a disorder that doesn’t necessarily affect a person’s ability to socialize, but their desire. Social anxiety will display itself with typical anxious symptoms such as pounding heart and sweaty palms. Children with social anxiety are extremely self-conscious in social situations. Those with Asperger syndrome usually are unaware (unless they are told) that they are socially awkward.
Luckily, social phobias can be treated and lessened with therapy. Although kids with Asperger syndrome can be trained to make eye contact, improve conversation skills and find ways to cope with sensitivities, they will never actually be “cured” of their disorder. However, kids with Asperger syndrome can be very productive and successful members of society and can have meaningful relationships. In fact, many famous people have AS, ADD, ADHD and other special needs.
The best thing parents can do for their shy or socially anxious son/daughter is to be positive and supportive. Parents should not make a huge deal out of the fact that their child has no friends and should not resort to labeling the child in a negative way, as “strange” or “weird” or “a loner” for instance.
Encourage your child seek out like-minded peers – those with similar interests and demeanor, and those that seem interested in being friends with your child. Get professional help for a child who displays anxiety during social situations. Find group therapy for children with AS to learn basic social skills. And most importantly, praise your child’s social successes, as well as their many other strengths.
Karen Plumley - Karen Plumley is a writer specializing in parenting and education. She works for Parenting NH and the Hippo, NH's most widely read ...
